Today, I offer my stage to D.C. McMillan, who almost screwed me over (no not really), but came up with this just prior to the deadline. Enjoy!!
Twas
the Night Before My Guest Blog
Twas the night
Before my guest blog
When all through my brain
Not an idea was brewing
No matter how hard it strained
Witty stories wouldn’t come
Nothing recent to share
I Couldn’t recall
A single memory
To lay bare
My gracious host awaited
For me to meet my deadline
While visions of screwing her over
Invaded my mind
I thought and I thought
Prayed to several gods
To think of just one thing
To write for her blog
Before my guest blog
When all through my brain
Not an idea was brewing
No matter how hard it strained
Witty stories wouldn’t come
Nothing recent to share
I Couldn’t recall
A single memory
To lay bare
My gracious host awaited
For me to meet my deadline
While visions of screwing her over
Invaded my mind
I thought and I thought
Prayed to several gods
To think of just one thing
To write for her blog
I finally gave up
And drifted to sleep
Tossing and turning
A deadline I would not keep
But I awoke in the morning
Thinking all would be fine
A few hours left to extract
A clever thought from my mind
And drifted to sleep
Tossing and turning
A deadline I would not keep
But I awoke in the morning
Thinking all would be fine
A few hours left to extract
A clever thought from my mind
A naughty limerick, perhaps
Or something that leads
Into my latest book
With the utmost
Of ease
Or something that leads
Into my latest book
With the utmost
Of ease
Why not a poem?Asked the boyfriend
Or something about Mayor Ford
Just do it and then
Go the fuck to work, good lord!
So I took a deep breath
My fingers began to clatter
Across the keys of my keyboard
Alas, I would end this matter
A poet I am not
No Clement Clarke Moore
As made painfully clear
By the embarrassing little ditty
I’ve written here
So let’s move forth
To The Wedding
My latest release
The erotic little story
A quick and fun read
No Clement Clarke Moore
As made painfully clear
By the embarrassing little ditty
I’ve written here
So let’s move forth
To The Wedding
My latest release
The erotic little story
A quick and fun read
The Wedding:
Karen is not the type to attend a wedding with a guy she’s only slept with once but, in a rare display of empathy, she agrees to accompany her new landlord Allen to this sure-to-be-boring function. Fortunately, Karen knows how to have a good time, and she’s pretty sure she and Allen can make their own fun...even if they have to do it in the outdoors just steps away from a couple hundred stuffy wedding guests.
And we even get an excerpt!
The car rumbled to life and he pulled from the roundabout into traffic. He seemed at ease, his hand alternately resting on my thigh and the shifter. As we neared our destination, however, his comfort steadily dissipated. His fingers tapped against the wheel and he smoothed his other hand along the thigh of his dress pants. Jesus, I hope he’s not going to act like this all night. There better be an open bar.And we even get an excerpt!
“So, uh, like I said,” he said finally. “My ex-best friend and his wife won’t be there.”
“Uh huh,” I said, distracted. Who doesn’t have an open bar at a wedding these days? No one, that’s who. God, I hope the champagne is good. I need an overflowing glass of expensive champagne, like, ten minutes ago. Since when does Karen Valentine go to weddings as someone’s date?
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D.C. McMillen enjoys writing about dirty sex in questionable places but has been known to write about other subjects, on special occasions. She is featured in MuseItHot’s Short & Spicy line up with The Rental, The Wedding and A Decent December. D.C.’s short stories and flash fiction can be found in several anthologies and other print and online publications. She is obsessed with Twitter and invites you to look her up at @mcmillendc, on her blog, or Facebook.
